After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I stole a fireplace last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
