either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
