Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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