she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
