im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
