When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
