so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
