i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
