If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
