Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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