p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
this hospital has no fireball
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
