I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
