I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
