p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
