Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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