just come out here and I will go home with you...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
