if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
