I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
