Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
