I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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