My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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