fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just googled if crying burns calories
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
