I CAN MOONWALK!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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