I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize