Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
