you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
