It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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