dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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