Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
