Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
