ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
