I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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