Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
