your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
