Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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