I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
