K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
