your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
