tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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