Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
