I can feel you judging me through the phone.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
