I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just high enough for therapy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize