she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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