guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
