I'm drive I can fine osifer
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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