You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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