He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
