Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We had to coat check the pizza.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
