its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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