and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
