I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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