i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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