I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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