I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
