i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize