If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
