The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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