You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
