So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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