He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
