Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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