I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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