3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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