I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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