remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
