She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
