So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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