Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
