All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
