I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
