dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
