ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ikea night.
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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