I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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