I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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